The Desire

Engrossed in her deep thoughts about her life Maya was looking down through the window of her bedroom. She saw some kids playing. She thought   Kids are so lovely why I am the only one who cannot be a mother. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She was married for 7 years now she had no kids. She wanted to be a mother she wanted someone would call her ‘Maa’.. While she was thinking of her lonely life without kids her phone rang. It was Raghav her husband on the other end. As she picked up the phone he said ‘Maya Don’t wait for me for dinner I will be late’. He kept the phone down.

Maya was thinking what went wrong that Raghav changed so much.  He was the one who proposed her marriage.  It was a love marriage for them. Raghav and Maya knew each other from their college time. Raghav and Maya met each other on first day of college. They were in same class. While Maya was outspoken girl Raghav was shy boy. Maya was every guy’s crush in college. But she fell for Raghav a simple boy. Raghav always used to say ‘Maya what did you see in me’. She used to say ‘Your honesty’.

Suddenly her doorbell rang. She came out of her flashback. It was ironman who bought her clothes. She thought Raghav used to tell her everything but nowadays they hardly interacted. He was always busy in his work. May be he doesn’t love me now as I can’t give him kids she thought.  She wanted to cry, wanted to scream she never thought life would be so meaningless for her. Suddenly the doorbell rang it was courier boy. She got a courier having some photographs of Raghav and a girl. She looked at the photographs. She knew the girl in the photograph. It was Meera his colleague in the office. No, this can’t be true. Raghav can’t do this. He is my husband. He will not betray me How to ask Raghav about this Maya thought. Will he accept that he is having affair with Meera.  What would he think I don’t trust him if this is not true.

She was desperately waiting for Raghav. Thinking of all the possibilities she slept. It was 1 am in the night. She heard him entering the room. His phone rang. She enacted as she was sleeping. He said ‘Meera I reached.  The place was lovely. See you tomorrow. Bye’. She didn’t believe her ears what she heard. She had no courage left to confront him.

Next morning Raghav left early for the office without saying a word. She thought of calling Sanjay. After all Raghav and Sanjay are best friends. They work in the same office. He must be knowing everything. She called Sanjay and said I want to meet you today. Can you come today? He said ‘0.K’

Sanjay came in the afternoon .He asked what’s the matter Maya Why are you so tensed .She said I want to ask you about Meera.  Sanjay said ‘Meera  ... What about her ‘She said’ Don’t you know’. Sanjay got an idea what she wanted to ask. After all whole office was talking about Raghav and Meera Nowadays. She said Let me ask you directly.

What the hell is going on between my husband and that bitch?' Maya's patience was at its lowest ebb and she was ready to burst.Sanjay knew that she was serious. 'Look, Maya. There is nothing going on between the two of them. Just a little bit of healthy flirting, I'd say’.

'Flirting? Healthy flirting? Really Sanjay . . ‘. she rolled her eyes in disgust. 'That's what you men call it? There is nothing healthy about flirting, Sanjay, not for a married man. Healthy flirting is a term introduced by perverted men who want to lend legitimacy to their extramarital dalliances. Flirting invariably has a sexual connotation to it’. She got up from her seat and walked around the room gesticulating and muttering something to her. Suddenly she stopped, turned back, looked at Sanjay and asked, 'Did my husband sleep with her? You are his friend. Did he ever tell you anything about it?'

Sanjay was shocked at her outburst. He said ‘Look Maya You are misunderstanding him. It’s nothing like what you are thinking’. She said ‘Let it be you won’t tell me truth. After all you are Raghav’s friend’ .Sanjay said ‘I am your friend too that’s why saying you your suspicion can ruin your life’. Sanjay said ‘I am leaving. Take care’….

Maya was unable to bear this. She didn’t get any answer from Sanjay too. She started crying profusely. She went to kitchen and took out a knife to cut vegetables. Looking at the knife she thought ‘What’s the use of this life. Why not end the life and give happiness to the person whom I love the most’

She wrote letter to Raghav and took out the sleeping pills from cupboard. She ate all the sleeping pills .Raghav came from office to take a file which he left in the home.  He rang bell. Nobody opened the door. She called on Maya’s cell she didn’t pick up the phone. He got worried. He opened the door with Master key and saw Maya lying. She was unconscious. He saw the letter. ‘I am leaving Raghav forever. I love you more than my life. I cannot see you with anyone else. Marry Meera after my death. I wish you all the best for your new life. Yours forever Maya’. Raghav cried and took Maya to hospital. Maya was in ICU. He was thinking ‘Why did you do this Maya? You could have asked me once. I would have told you everything’. Meera and Sanjay came running to the hospital. They saw Raghav who was crying badly. They came near him.

Sanjay told ‘Maya called me today morning. She was very much disturbed. But never thought she would do this’. Meera shouted ‘Raghav I told you we should not do this. What did you get’? I was only helping you to get your old Maya back. But now I am worried We may loose her forever.

‘No don’t say so. Nothing will happen to my Maya’ Raghav cried.  Nurse came at that moment. All three of them looked at Nurse with tension. She said ‘Your wife is out of danger now. You may go and meet her’. Raghav went inside.  Maya looked at him and said ‘Why did you save me Raghav’. He said ‘I did not save you. I saved my life. You are my life Maya’.

She was shocked. He said ‘There is nothing between me and Meera’. Maya said ‘Don’t lie Raghav. I can bear the truth. ‘He said ‘You think I can betray you. I was just enacting to be in affair with Meera just to make you jealous. I wanted you to fight with me, shout at me. Have you ever thought ‘How I must have felt when you went into depression because we can’t have kids? It’s not our fault. It’s destiny. You are blaming yourself for that. I don’t need anyone else in my life except you. I cannot see you like this. That’s the reason I acted as I was having affair. So that you realize that In the desire of bring a new life into the world You have separated yourself from me. I wanted my old Maya back. The Maya  who would fight with me for not taking her out for Movie. The Maya would have killed me if I looked at any other girl. You were so depressed that you forgot that you have a husband who loves you a lot. But I am sorry for hurting you. ‘Did you ever thought who would have sent you those photographs? It was me. I thought you would confront me .But you didn’t. Then I reached home late and acted as I was taking to Meera.  But you didn’t you say a word. If it was my Maya she would have yelled at me at 1 am. She would have not taken this step ………………….. I am sorry I failed …………………..

Maya was listening to him. She was in tears. ‘I am sorry Raghav. I am such a bad wife. I promise you I won’t let you down ever. Meera and Sanjay entered.  Meera said ‘You have got such a loving husband Maya. You are his world and he asked me to help him to win you back from depression. But we did wrong. Maya smiled at them and said ‘I am all fine. Don’t worry’

The days passed and Maya slowly came out of depression. She was a happy woman. She used to bake cakes for Raghav without any occasion. She used to surprise him with movie date. Sometimes she used to invite friends for party all of a sudden.

Raghav came home one day and said ‘Maya why don’t we adopt a baby. It will fill our life with happiness. You will be a fantastic mother. I know’ She said ‘But adopting someone’s baby ‘. ‘Will you love that kid less? No you will give that child all the happiness’. She thought about it whole night. Morning she had her answers ready. She said ‘Raghav I am ready for adoption’. They went to orphanage. They saw one girl of 1 month. Maya looked into her eyes and said ‘She is my baby’.

They finished all the formalities. One month later baby came to her home. She named her Riya. Riya was Maya’s life now. Whenever she used to cry Maya used to get worried. Whenever she used to laugh Maya would jump with joy. Raghav and Maya were enjoying each and every moment of their parenthood.  Riya was 9 months now. One day Maya called Raghav and said ‘I am so happy today. He asked ‘What happened’. She said our princess called me ‘Maa today’. He too jumped with excitement.

It was Riya’s first birthday. Maya was busy in birthday preparations. She got a call from hospital in the afternoon. They said ‘Reports are positive’. She thought I will give this news to Raghav after cake cutting. All the guests arrived in night. Riya was looking like a princess. Riya cut the birthday cake. Maya said ‘Raghav I have to say something important’. He looked at her and asked what .She said ‘I am pregnant’. He was ecstatic. He said ‘Wow Maya great news. You were waiting for this moment for so long. Finally you are going to be a mother. ‘Looking at little Riya she said ‘I am already a mother Raghav.My desire of becoming mother got fulfilled when Riya came into my life. I am going to be a mother for second time’. Riya will always be my first child. He said ‘Of course. Riya is our first child’.

Author -Seema Pandey

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